by Jay Stern

The worst-kept secret at Gold’s Gym in Venice is that the gym is closing its doors for good when its lease expires on June 30, 2014. With its 45 years of history, this Los Angeles landmark was once the second most popular tourist attraction in the LA area after Disneyland, but alas, times have changed and the ‘Mecca of Bodybuilding’ is slowly transforming into the Mecca of Millionaires, or ‘Silicon Beach’ in techno-blog-speak. Perhaps lost on most bodybuilders is the painful irony of the proverbial pencil-neck geek getting sand kicked in his face by the muscular beach bully turning the tables and kicking the bodybuilders out of Venice Beach. While the new owners of Golds (GGI) were out there licensing the Gold’s name to create Wii video games for couch potatoes instead of renewing their lease at 360 Hampton Drive, Google was creating an empire and looking for a place to expand its empire. The result: Google Plus. Gold’s Minus.

Publicly, the gym management continues to emphasize (perhaps ‘misrepresent’ is a better word choice) that Gold’s Gym isn’t going anywhere, but for those in the know, it has become painfully clear that the clock is ticking down to zero. According to former Gold’s Gym Venice owner Ed Connors, Google has bought the building and the surrounding real estate, with grand designs on walling off the streets and creating a SoCal campus to rival its Mountain View ‘university’. If this is accurate, Gold’s Gym appears to have dropped the ball, and with undeveloped real estate (and parking availability) in the area in short supply, the death of Gold’s Venice is but a foregone conclusion.

While some have predicted a move to nearby Culver City or Playa Del Rey, Gold’s already has franchisees in those areas and the geographic limitations of those franchise agreements would likely come into dispute if the most famous gym in the world were to relocate to their area. For the record, Ed Connors — the man who sold Gold’s to its current owners — is already eulogizing the gym he helped create: “It’s a shame if they [Gold’s Gym International] are going to let a piece of history just disappear but sadly I think that’s what is going to happen.”

As a current member of Gold’s Venice and a fellow Maryland alum of Google founder Sergey Brin, I believe that I am well-positioned to mediate this matter. My recommendation is that Google use its considerable wealth to purchase Gold’s Gym Venice, make it the official gym for Google employees, and rename it — wait for it…

Problem solved.

I sat there, telephone to my ear, rapt with attention and awaiting the Secret of the Nimh. I bounced on my bed in excitement. I was about to get my first peek inside the Lost Ark. That magic elixir was firmly within my grasp. All I had to do was sit back and listen:

‘Oh, Vince doesn’t eat anything except pizza and coke. Oh how he loves his pizza and coke. That’s pretty much all he eats!’

Surely this must be the sound of early onset dementia. Surely this old woman needs to be dragged to the nearest nursing home and robbed of her jewelry.

‘Are you sure?’ I asked. ‘Because most guys eat like chicken and fish and stuff.’

Giving her another chance. A way to stay out of that Seizure Village Old Folks place.

‘Oh, I’m sure. After all, I’m his momma. No, Vince just eats pizza and drinks them cans of coke all day long.’

‘Diet?’ I asked, taking copious and thorough notes with my trusty pencil and notepad.

‘No, not diet. Just regular Coke,’ she said.

Clearly losing it. Or perhaps she was part of the plan to deny Special Ed his future pro card. I had to test her one final time.

‘Ohhh, the regular Coke,’ I replied, ‘that comes in the silver can.’

Got her!

‘No, no, no. You need to get the wax out of your ears boy. I said ‘REGULAR COKE’. In the RED can.’

Damn you!

Damn you, Vince!

Damn you, Gramma Taylor!

Damn you all to hell!

RIP Gramma Taylor

As for Muscletech, we’ve never said that they don’t pay. What we HAVE SAID — and has been confirmed by former Muscletech employees — is that they do not pay AMATEURS. So, you have amateur guys (including one who used to post here) claiming to have a contract with MT but its not a paid contract. It’s the old supplement credit deal we’ve discussed.

But for Pros signed with Muscletech, yes, they are paid.

Also Ed, and I am NOT trying to be an ass about this, but do you ever feel remorseful about some of the things you say about these guys once you meet them in person? It seems you had a positive interaction with Ben and you describe him as a “complete” big guy, yet you had described him in another thread (https://muscleweek.com/board/index.php?topic=953.msg15881#msg15881) as “a prematurely balding guy with obvious synthol in his biceps and a gut bigger than his chest trying to sound intelligent about diet and nutrition when it’s clear he’s nothing without the gear.”

I did a set of side laterals with the 10 lb dumbbells and followed that by just barely shoulder dumbbell pressing the 25s for 8 reps. And that was it. One superset and out. Then I went to the rope pulling machine (not rope pulldowns but an actual giant rope dangling from high above that you pull for cardio or strength) and pulled 1000 feet of rope. Then it was 1 mile on the treadmill in 14 minutes alternating walking and jogging in two minute increments. And that was that!

Then I headed over to Gracie Barra in Culver City to meet with BJJ Master Gerson Sanginitto who is tight with my old BJJ teacher Renzo Gracie and was super cool and invited me to come to a class tonight so I will let you know how that goes. I promise not to tap under any circumstances!

Follow-Up:

I think Joe Rogan’s a pretty cool dude — awful stand-up comedian — but a naturally funny guy.

So I just got back from my BJJ class at Gracie Barra and I’m totally spent. I probably won’t even be able to rub one out to Ines tonight. My highlight was escaping the mount of a blue belt. But never was it more clear than rolling around that I have about 70 lbs of useless weight on my body.

Anyways, the plan is to get under 230 by Saturday.