by Jay Stern

The worst-kept secret at Gold’s Gym in Venice is that the gym is closing its doors for good when its lease expires on June 30, 2014. With its 45 years of history, this Los Angeles landmark was once the second most popular tourist attraction in the LA area after Disneyland, but alas, times have changed and the ‘Mecca of Bodybuilding’ is slowly transforming into the Mecca of Millionaires, or ‘Silicon Beach’ in techno-blog-speak. Perhaps lost on most bodybuilders is the painful irony of the proverbial pencil-neck geek getting sand kicked in his face by the muscular beach bully turning the tables and kicking the bodybuilders out of Venice Beach. While the new owners of Golds (GGI) were out there licensing the Gold’s name to create Wii video games for couch potatoes instead of renewing their lease at 360 Hampton Drive, Google was creating an empire and looking for a place to expand its empire. The result: Google Plus. Gold’s Minus.

Publicly, the gym management continues to emphasize (perhaps ‘misrepresent’ is a better word choice) that Gold’s Gym isn’t going anywhere, but for those in the know, it has become painfully clear that the clock is ticking down to zero. According to former Gold’s Gym Venice owner Ed Connors, Google has bought the building and the surrounding real estate, with grand designs on walling off the streets and creating a SoCal campus to rival its Mountain View ‘university’. If this is accurate, Gold’s Gym appears to have dropped the ball, and with undeveloped real estate (and parking availability) in the area in short supply, the death of Gold’s Venice is but a foregone conclusion.

While some have predicted a move to nearby Culver City or Playa Del Rey, Gold’s already has franchisees in those areas and the geographic limitations of those franchise agreements would likely come into dispute if the most famous gym in the world were to relocate to their area. For the record, Ed Connors — the man who sold Gold’s to its current owners — is already eulogizing the gym he helped create: “It’s a shame if they [Gold’s Gym International] are going to let a piece of history just disappear but sadly I think that’s what is going to happen.”

As a current member of Gold’s Venice and a fellow Maryland alum of Google founder Sergey Brin, I believe that I am well-positioned to mediate this matter. My recommendation is that Google use its considerable wealth to purchase Gold’s Gym Venice, make it the official gym for Google employees, and rename it — wait for it…

Problem solved.

So on Wednesday, after our ridiculously short ‘shoulder’ workout, Topskin and I headed over to visit Madmax at his new location opposite my favorite Venice spot – Whole Foods.

Topskin was a little hesitant to accompany me, what with the history between them of Madmax accusing Topskin of stealing a vintage 1987 Flex from his Max Muscle store back in the day.

Nonetheless, at my behest, Topskin pushed aside the bitter memories and joined me in this adventure. We were at the store at 10am sharp, but no one was there so we headed over to Whole Foods to check out the ‘scenery’ and by ‘scenery’, I mean hot Westside ass.

Fifteen minutes later, we returned to Max Muscle and from the looks of that Prius with the customized vanity MADMAX6 license plate, I knew we had hit paydirt. Dave (MadMax) greeted us cautiously — were we two thugs coming to knock over his store or just two bodybuilding douchebags looking for the ‘edge’? While I asked him about various products and what was flying off the shelves, Topskin interrogated him about his bodybuilding clientele and whether a ‘hardcore bodybuilding store’ had a chance this far away from the hardcore bodybuilding douches back at Golds. Dave told Top that most of his customers weren’t actually hardcore at all — they were just regular joes and sheilas.

I asked Dave if they had any product samples. As you guys know, I like Dave and think he’s a cool dude. And proving that my instincts about him were correct, he not only offered me some product samples, he lifted a massive box of samples up on the counter and instructed me to ‘take whatever and as much as you want’. There must have been over 100 packets of protein, pre-workout mixes, fat burners, and Animal vitapaks.

Needless to say, I stocked up on a variety of items (for review purposes of course!) and we bid a fond farewell to Mr. Bourlet.

One more thing, though. At one point in our conversation, a certain east coast judge came up and Dave made a comment and rolled his eyes, indicating to us, that despite toeing the line publicly, Jay Cutler’s BFF is actually a true blue MuscleWeeker at heart.

We at MuscleWeek wish Dave the best of luck with the store in their new location and I promise to blow at least $20 bucks a month there in the just as soon as that MuscleWeek corporate Amex card comes through!

As for Muscletech, we’ve never said that they don’t pay. What we HAVE SAID — and has been confirmed by former Muscletech employees — is that they do not pay AMATEURS. So, you have amateur guys (including one who used to post here) claiming to have a contract with MT but its not a paid contract. It’s the old supplement credit deal we’ve discussed.

But for Pros signed with Muscletech, yes, they are paid.

People need to realize that I am merely providing my own honest critique of what I am seeing. There is no intent to harm or make someone cry. And while I wouldn’t say it to their face, I also wouldn’t tell Brock Lesnar that his standup sucks, tell Frank Mir he’s a douchebag or tell James Toney he’s a fatass.

A critic shouldn’t have to answer to his subjects. That creates bias — hence the reason I rarely drop anything negative about guys I know personally or like.

But I don’t always have something bad to say. Take Gunter for example — he’s always been a great guy with a good sense of humor. He has a good head of hair, looks great in the gym (mostly) off the sauce. He doesn’t dress like a douche, has done well in TV commercials and film, and doesn’t claim he makes more in residuals from a commercial than you do in a year like Captain Americhick.

As for Ben, if he studies the boards enough to identify Special Ed in person, that would only confirm his narcissism and mean that he needs to spend more time in the gym.

We all have our flaws. I don’t mind if someone points out my sorry physique, greasy hair, unshaven mug, or double chin. Just don’t tell me I’m not funny.

The same goes for Ben. I can point out his hairline recession, syntholly arms, overgrown intestines pushing out his gut, and lack of intellectual speaking ability, but I’m not gonna dog his physique which is pretty damn awesome and something i could never achieve.

And I think Ben is just visiting. But if he’s not, there are plenty of places to live near the beach (studio apts) for around $1000/month. If he’s making 3k/mo from Weider and 2k/mo from muscletech, he can live just fine here.

Also Ed, and I am NOT trying to be an ass about this, but do you ever feel remorseful about some of the things you say about these guys once you meet them in person? It seems you had a positive interaction with Ben and you describe him as a “complete” big guy, yet you had described him in another thread (https://muscleweek.com/board/index.php?topic=953.msg15881#msg15881) as “a prematurely balding guy with obvious synthol in his biceps and a gut bigger than his chest trying to sound intelligent about diet and nutrition when it’s clear he’s nothing without the gear.”

I did a set of side laterals with the 10 lb dumbbells and followed that by just barely shoulder dumbbell pressing the 25s for 8 reps. And that was it. One superset and out. Then I went to the rope pulling machine (not rope pulldowns but an actual giant rope dangling from high above that you pull for cardio or strength) and pulled 1000 feet of rope. Then it was 1 mile on the treadmill in 14 minutes alternating walking and jogging in two minute increments. And that was that!

Then I headed over to Gracie Barra in Culver City to meet with BJJ Master Gerson Sanginitto who is tight with my old BJJ teacher Renzo Gracie and was super cool and invited me to come to a class tonight so I will let you know how that goes. I promise not to tap under any circumstances!

Follow-Up:

I think Joe Rogan’s a pretty cool dude — awful stand-up comedian — but a naturally funny guy.

So I just got back from my BJJ class at Gracie Barra and I’m totally spent. I probably won’t even be able to rub one out to Ines tonight. My highlight was escaping the mount of a blue belt. But never was it more clear than rolling around that I have about 70 lbs of useless weight on my body.

Anyways, the plan is to get under 230 by Saturday.